Title: i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Team: Team MWPP
Rating: R, flirting with NC-17
Warnings: AU, like really AU (Remus never went to Hogwarts because of his condition). Boy sex, language, violence/gore, slash, het references, and alcohol consumption. Basically all that comes with teenage boy.
Summary: A story, in which Sirius Black falls in love, gets drunk, performs illegal spells and reads poetry.
Prompt: LIBRA-You may be waiting for something or someone. And the whole process has left you frustrated and anxious. But if you get a quarter of what you're hoping for, you'll be happy. And you will, soon get at least that.
Genre(s): Romance that morphed into AU
Credits: My two beta's, M and S (which will now be dubbed Mulder and Scully!) are truly wonderful human beings. Scully nursed me through writing it and Mulder convinced me that it was worthy. Thank you! Also, I don't own the poetry that is used in this piece. The title comes from another e.e. cummings poem.


"Sirius, dear." Mrs. Potter's voice floated through the bedroom door and gently prodded his highly intoxicated mind. He moaned in pain, throbbing and omnipotent, then brought the bottle of booze to his lips and attempted to drink. Sirius was, more or less, successful.

Mostly because the Firewhisky stopped burning his throat hours ago.

"I fully understand you are in one of your lovely sulks and, darling, I must say, you're succeeding wonderfully. Nevertheless, Mr. Potter wants tea and he refuses to let me boil water in what is technically Jamie. He fears it might scald him permanently."

Sirius grinned maniacally into the dark and digested Mrs. Potter's words slowly. He nodded to himself twice before Sirius rolled to his stomach and crawled on all threes (the fourth still held the bottle) towards the door. It took him a few tries and three more swigs from the bottle once he got to the door to open it.

Mrs. Potter had multiplied since the last time Sirius saw her, so he just smiled in the general direction of where all the Mrs. Potters were standing. More Mrs. Potters meant more bread pudding for him and less treacle tart for James because she indisputably liked him better than Jamie. Take that, insufferable son of a bitch.

"Oh well, aren't you lovely?" The Mrs. Potters leaned down and kissed Sirius on the forehead. Sirius felt his body roll over and he closed his eyes and snuggled into her house slippers.

"Mnot wandin' per Jaimmiieee." The Mrs. Potters cooed in response, and then he felt like he was floating. It was a fantastic feeling. His body felt very tingly and he could not feel his nipples. This was a shame because he really loved his nipples. He fancied them pinched and licked and maybe he should have gotten them pierced before they disappeared.

"Sirius, love, I know you don't want to change Jamie back. I usually like to stay out of my children's lives, but Mr. Potter isn't as understanding, especially about his tea." Sirius frowned and nodded. Mr. Potter was sometimes a bit of a wet towel about his tea, very English bloke.

"Twish, twishy an' jub." Then he waved his hand dismissively.

"Oh, thank you Sirius. Swish, twist and jab on top of a simple human Transfiguration spell. You were always a brilliant boy." Sirius squinted his left eye open. The Mrs. Potters were standing over a tea kettle that had a wild set of hair growing on the lid and glasses hanging off the spout. Sirius noticed he was sprawled out on the floor of a space ship.

Wait, nope just the living room.

"AHH! You complete and total BASTARD!" Sirius closed his eyes and thought that maybe since the Mrs. Potters had turned James back into a human, she would have time to make him bread pudding. He loved bread pudding.

"Now Jamie, don't speak to Sirius like that. He's a guest."

"Mum! He has lived here for two years; he stopped being a guest when Dad wrote him into the will. Speaking of which, did you know he's actually going to get more than me?" There was a pause and Sirius could swear he actually smelled bread pudding. "HE TURNED ME INTO A BLOODY TEA KETTLE! HOW CAN YOU STAND UP FOR HIM? HE'S A MOODY, INCONSIDERATE SHIRT-LIFTER!"

"Oh, it was only a tea kettle, and do not pick on Sirius for having an affinity for boys."

"AFFINITY? Understatement of the year, Mum! Don't you care that my skin might permanently smell like Earl Grey tea, and you know that Lily's favourite is Raspberry Lemon. Now she will never love me; you will never get a grandchild; and I will end up old and lonely with warts. So stop loving Sirius more than me because he is using mind magic to plant ideas into your head."

Sirius smiled again and curled himself into the carpet floor; he really did love it when James screeched.

"I never knew Sirius was so talented."

"SIRIUS! You fucking wanker!"

"James Atticus Jaunty Potter, I do not want to hear that language in my presence. Besides, I am not sure you are using the English language properly. You are such a bad influence on Sirius."

Sirius would have laughed at the indignant cry James made, but he was too tired.


"Sirius." He felt a cool hand turn him over and place a wet, soothing towel on his forehead. "I know Jamie might be pressuring you but I'm sure the nipple piercing you mentioned earlier is not the answer. He just does not understand how delicate you are. You do have to remember how heterosexual Jamie is; he does not really have a mind for fashion or sense. Moreover, you wouldn't want to blemish that beautiful body of yours, would you?"

Sirius heard what sounded like James exploding in anger in the kitchen; it was a combination of very unmanly flailing, quacking and McGonagall on pixie dust (which may or may not have happened the year previously and did not, under any circumstances, have anything to do with James, Sirius and Petey). Sirius tried to laugh but succeeded in rolling over to vomit into the bucket the Mrs. Potters conjured. Really wonderful woman er, women.



The world blinked into existence for Sirius. Thankfully, the world was dark, or he would have had to murder the sun, and he was sure Azkaban would not allow bubbles, porn or Mrs. Potter's cakes.

"If you didn't look like it already, I would kick seven shades of shit out of you."

Fuck. Why did James have to talk so loud all the time?

"Drink this." This was vulgar, but not as vulgar as his mouth. Sirius unglued his tongue from the roof of his mouth and almost gagged. His mouth tasted like dead cat and dirty pants. Disgusting. Sirius opened his mouth and James poured it in. At least James was good for something.

"Ummfpt." The world would not stop spinning. It was a bastard kind of a world, so Sirius shut his eyes and snuggled into the duvet.

"Mum says I shouldn't badger you for turning me into a tea kettle, you absolute wanker." Sirius tried to smile into the pillow, James' voice was full of affection, but the potion was raging war on his hangover, and Sirius had the strange notion that his hangover was winning the battle thus far.

"So, I'm blaming it on one of your arse-bandit mood swings, but I'm making you replace all of my Firewhisky, you fucking lush."

The pillows smelled like honey. Sirius liked honey. It reminded him of something, but he just could not put his finger on it. He vaguely wondered if he had enough energy to smother James with it and if his death would tamper with the scent of honey.

"Oh, you're not even listening!"

Oops, was James still talking? Insanity.

"Listen to me."

Sirius felt a very sharp prod in his midsection. "Donp' ke mumf."

"I'll poke you whenever I damn well please."

Sirius tried to flip James the 'v' but he doubted his fingers achieved it. They wanted to sleep; all of him wanted to sleep.

"I have to pick up some books Mum ordered tomorrow because of you!"

Another poke and Sirius vowed to get some less malicious friends. "I have to take time out of my day that should be reserved for writing Lily sonnets and woe-worthy letters and naughty limericks, so I can procure her love and our marriage and the Potter heir."

"Gingr 'hats ew." Sharp poke.

"Lily doesn't hate me." James' voice had turned petulant child and delusional.

Sirius merely snuggled more deeply into the sweet, honey-smelling pillow. "And don't call her Ginger. She does hate that."

"Anyway, because you decided to get sloshed for some asinine reason, turn me into a bloody kettle, and then con me mum into loving you more than me, twat face, I have to go to the book shop. The book shop, Southpaw. Eww."

Sirius flailed. Honey. Honey is gold. Gold is the colour of the boy's eyes. Beautiful book shop boy.

"Would you quit moaning? It's making me uncomfortable."

"Ate poof me boobs."

"You don't even like boobs!" Stupid cunt.

"Oooh, books, not boobs." Sirius nodded into his pillow, his thoughts a jumble of plans and ideas all surrounding the shop boy falling desperately in love with him in bed. Sirius giggled at his own joke and inhaled the smell of honey with renewed vigor.

"Fine, I'll wait for you to go to the high street. But you are picking up the order from the book shop."

Sometimes, James being a wanker suited Sirius just fine.



Sirius glared menacingly at the sun. If it was possible, he felt like the day was hotter than before. All the nervous energy he had at the start of the morning had dissipated into grumpy laziness that seemed to settle in his bones. Not even Mrs. Potter's spiked lemonade had made him cheerful or energetic. In all actuality, despite the excuse to make a trip to the bookshop, Sirius was feeling particularly spiteful.

"Southpaw!" Sirius shifted his glare from the sun to the expectant face of his walking companion. James arched an eyebrow but Sirius just glared forebodingly in return. "Could you focus for one bloody sec?"

"Yeah, are we still in fucking rhapsody about Evans' knickers?" It earned him a knock about the head, but Sirius was too tired to retaliate properly.

"No, although they are brilliant. At least, I hope they are." James looked thoughtful for a whole four seconds before his brain returned to the topic at hand. Sirius was grateful. "Petey says he found the map at the bottom of his trunk. 'Dunno how it got there, but at least it's not in Snivellus' hands."

Sirius nodded. They were almost at the top of the hill which would lead them into town.

"Also," James said, his eyes bright with mischievous energy despite the heat. "I got to pokin' around me Mum's library while you were passed out and I think I found the spell that reveals our Animagus forms."

"Do you think if we know them it will be easier to make the change?"

James shrugged. "That's what the book said. I'm willing to try. I mean, for fuck's sake, Southpaw, we've been stuck for three months."

"I know, I know."

"Try it after the trip then?" Sirius shrugged, and then nodded just as they approached the high street.

The town of Godric's Hollow was fairly lively considering the temperature. James begged off to the small cafe and Sirius walked as quickly as he could in the tight, overwhelming heat. He paused once, to lust after a motorbike in an alley, but otherwise made straight for the bookshop. Sirius took a deep breath before he opened the door. The interior of the shop looked the same, yet Sirius would swear that the books had multiplied overnight. The bell rang above him and Sirius sighed at the smell and coolness of the store. This time, he did not pretend to be looking for a book, but made for the counter.

The teller was empty and there seemed to be no one around. Sirius frowned and snooped around the counter space. There were piles of books everywhere, but Sirius saw no sign of the wizarding books he had seen before, the golden-eyed boy's books.

"Well fuck," he mumbled and looked again through the nearest stack of books.

"May I help you?" Sirius stopped his searching. An old man appeared from the door behind the counter. He had a long, wooden cane and an incredibly long beard, his face was weathered and his shaking hands reminded Sirius of Ollivander and maybe a bit of Dumbledore.

"Um, I don't know." Sirius replied. "There was a boy here before that I was talking with"

"You must be Sirius." The old man nodded his head and turned to the bookshelf behind the counter.

"How do you know me?" Sirius' hand found its way to his wand in his trouser pocket.

"He left these for you." The man turned back and handed Sirius a book.

"Who?" Sirius ran his hand over the old book; it was heavy and smooth but worn beneath his fingertips. The spine was cracked in so many lines it was impossible to read the title or author. It wasn't very thick.

"Remus. They're from his own collection, I imagine because he's scribbled all over the pages again. He really loves his books, so I assume you're to bring them back."


Sirius held the book in his hand. The old man kept talking, but Sirius tuned him out. The cover was a dull blue colour, its pages yellow and soft. Sirius imagined Remus touching the pages with his hands, laced with scars and reverence. The edges of the hardback were torn and thread hung off in strings. He shivered with anticipation and wished Remus was there to give the book to him in person.

When Sirius finally looked up from the book, the old man was retreating towards the door behind the counter. "Wait!" The old man turned back, and Sirius wanted to ask so many things but they all seemed jammed somewhere inside his throat. "I'm to pick up an order for Mrs. Potter!"

Sirius practically yelled the sentence and he smiled apologetically. The old man looked surprised in response but nodded and disappeared into the back of the shop. It was not long before the old man returned, handed Sirius the books and disappeared again into the back room. Sirius took out his wand and shrunk the book and returned his wand and the book to his pocket. Mrs. Potter had only ordered three books, so Sirius carried them out into the heat leaving a quick note for Remus.

Can't wait,

He walked slowly down the street, taking his time to reach the cafe where James was. Sirius' thoughts wandered as he strolled, the heat dampening his skin more swiftly than he would have liked.

Where did the boy- Remus, live? It wasn't as if the village was a big community, but he'd never seen Remus around. And why didn't he go to school? Sirius frowned, his hand seeking the shrunk book in his pocket. He desperately wanted to see what it contained, but not in public or even with James. Remus was his discovery, his secret. The cafe came into view and Sirius ran a hand over the book one last time. He would wait to look at it, just like he would wait to ask Mrs. Potter about Remus and wait to see Remus again. The thought brought a burning image of Remus' eyes to the forefront of Sirius' mind. He shivered despite the heat.

"Southpaw!" Sirius squinted to see not only James sitting at the table outside the cafe, but a small blonde boy as well.

"Petey!" Sirius jogged the rest of the way and embraced Peter. The energy that the sun had taken away earlier had been returned by the book in his pocket. The three shook hands and sat down. James motioned for a second round of drinks and the conversation shifted from niceties to Animagus plans. The shrunk book eased out of Sirius' mind


Part Three



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